every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
