Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
