Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
