If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
you had me at cake vodka
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
