i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
