My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
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