I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
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