I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
