dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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