She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
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