I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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