never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize