She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
