is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
