Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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