In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
