well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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