Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
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