Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Randomize
