omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize