Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
