Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
two words...techno handjob
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Randomize
