laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
