Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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