Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
