Need sex. Gaining weight.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
