I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
