Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
