the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
So. Much. Porn.
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