Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
