i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Randomize
