you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
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