I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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