My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
The police scanner is talking about you again....
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
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