This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
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