he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
