you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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