Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
