Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Randomize
