Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Randomize
