sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Randomize