VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Randomize
