dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize