I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
