the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
