I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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