walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
