I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
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