i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
