if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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