my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
where are my eyebrows?
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
