omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
