I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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