I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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