Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Randomize
