We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Randomize
