The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
As shirtless as possible
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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