Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
