New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
