Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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