i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
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