I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Randomize