saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
