Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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