i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
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