why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
