Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
The maid of honor just puked.
K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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