It's like a parade of train wrecks.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
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