how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
