Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
