I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Randomize
