So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
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