he referred to my room as the tit cave...
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize