I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
