i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
