she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
