She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
