I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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