yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
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