dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
