It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
