I hate your face
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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