my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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