At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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