margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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