OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
