She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
