Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
You ruined the universe
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
