I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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