so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
