Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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