Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
