i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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