i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I hate all girls vehemently.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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