I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
