hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
