"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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