The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
