it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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