Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
