I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
