Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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