I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
