Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
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