you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
