she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Randomize
