we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
