Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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