I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
