Only a mothe r could love this liver
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
