Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
