i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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