I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
