Don't make out with my wife yet
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
