he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
