Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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