No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
