The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize