The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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