I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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