ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
