is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
