You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
