I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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