this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize