I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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